it's least wonderful time of the year

let's recap:

college football? nope
NFL? nope
World Cup futbol? nope
BPL? nope
NBA? nope
MLB? yep

the lebron timeline

Cavs-Celtics, Game 1 - Mo dunks, Cleveland goes ballistic, LeBron turns it on and they win 101-93.

Cavs-Celtics, Game 2 - Cleveland loses, LeBron is unnaturally very calm about this. Mike Brown is not.

Cavs-Celtics, Game 3 - In Boston, LeBron destroys the Celtics, showing no effects of an elbow injury in putting up 38/8/7/2

Cavs-Celtics, Game 4 - See Game 2 comment

Cavs-Celtics, Game 5 - LeBron's last game in Cleveland. He's lethargic, inaccurate, disinterested. "I spoil a lot of people with my play." He gets booed. Writers around the country wonder what's wrong with LeBron. Is the mysterious elbow injury? LeBron seems not to care.

Cavs-Celtics, Game 6 - Somehow a LeBron triple double seems uninspired. He again doesn't seem to care. He rips the Cleveland jersey off his back heading into the locker room.

Fast forward to the offseason. We never hear anything about the elbow injury. LeBron strings along Cleveland and every other team with cap space, though honestly, the Clippers should have known better. Cleveland management and his teammates (the same ones he was dancing with and high-fiving before every regular season game) find out that LeBron is not coming back for the first time during his televised decision on ESPN. Times LeBron mentions his supposed good friends during the ESPN program: 0

So what to draw from all this? I think it's becoming increasingly clear that LeBron quit on his team some time after Game 3. And his decision was made some time around that time too.

the Raiders are a .500 team and other bold predictions

Dear Jonathan,

The Miami Dolphins are not going to win the Super Bowl this year. Chad Henne is a year away at least. For your sake, I hope I eat my words.

Sincerely,

A fan of a team that always loses


And on to my bold and not so bold predictions for the NFL season. Forecasting sports is a lot like forecasting the weather. Everyone is wrong but tries anyway. And like in both, trust your eyes and not the bull.

1. Raiders are a .500 team this year. They would have been last year if the quarterback wasn't the biggest bust in the history of sports (Ryan Leaf is now #2 on this list, mostly because JaMarcus is also the fattest bust in the history of sports). Campbell is decent. The O-Line is improved. Bush will run for close to 1,000 yards. Run DMC will show up this year and not in a cast. And I think the Raiders actually have a dangerous WR corp. DHB will be better. He's about 3,000% better in camp this year than he was all of last year. Louis Murphy is legit. Shit, I'm talking myself into this team. Super Bowl or bust? An idiot can dream.

2. The Dolphins are a playoff team. Duh. The entire AFC East is a playoff team except for Buffalo, who is lousy.

3. That said, the Jets will not make the playoffs. You can see this coming, right? Too many big names. Too many egos. They got worse at RB. They are the favorites. There's no chip on their shoulders. Unless Sanchez makes the leap. Then all bets are off.

4. Or maybe the Pats won't make the playoffs? Nah. Here's what I like about the Patriots: Nothing at all. I hate this team so much. But if you were a Pats fan (and God help you if you are, you root for a douchebag QB), this is what I would like about this team: no one is talking about them. All the attention is on the Dolphins and the Jets and even on how bad the Bills will be and how stupid it was to hire Chan Gailey. Meanwhile, Belichick is secretly videotaping every team right now so he'll know all their plays. Or he's quietly scheming revenge on the rest of the league for the embarrassment his team suffered in the playoffs last year.

5. These teams will be better: Tennessee, Washington (can't get worse), Miami, Oakland (can't get worse), Detroit (ditto), Denver, NJ Giants

6. These teams will be worse: Jacksonville (this team screams 5-11 to me), Philly, Buffalo (Chan Gailey? Really?), Minnesota (slightly, they were really good last year, but anyone really trust Childress? anyone?), Arizona

7. These teams are who we think they are: Indy, San Diego, Green Bay, New Orleans, St. Louis (sad)

fucking heat

I'm coming around to accepting that this team will be nigh unbeatable this year. I think the supporting cast is weak outside of Mike Miller, but it probably doesn't matter with Wade and LeBron. I hate this team so much, but they'll be fun to watch.

NCAA Tournament rules

1. Big East is always way overrated. I always forget this.
2. Independently of that, Notre Dame is always overrated.
3. Except for one or two teams, the SEC sucks at basketball.

most perfect fit ever in the nfl

Jake Delhomme has signed with the Cleveland Browns, bringing us the perfect marriage between a quarterback that really sucks and a franchise that really, really sucks. Of all the things I've seen in the past few months, this is the one thing that has inspired me to post.

So while I'm in the posting mood, some odds and ends of things that have transpired.

1. The Marlins won't win the World Series. There's my response to you, Jesse. They just won't. I don't know how to explain it, but simple mathematical odds are not on their side. They were something like the 6th best team in the NL last year and the top teams didn't get that much worse, though the Giants stink and could slip and the Rockies were a fluke. But the Marlins aren't better than the Dodgers or Phillies and they certainly aren't better than the top teams in the AL. Comment and flame away. Don't disappoint me.

2. The Lakers have problems. These will be fixed come playoff time. Ron Artest is a dumb offensive player. Kobe will either kill him or fix him by the playoffs. Gasol is soft again. Phil will fix this again.

3. The Celtics have problems. These can't be fixed. They are old. Ray Allen seems to be done, which is shocking because he was very much not done earlier this year. KG is too, but that's more an injury thing. Pierce is also just being beat up by injuries. They look like they're set up for a first round upset loss. Of course, this means they will storm their way through the playoffs.

4. LeBron James and the Cavs - I'm still not convinced. Show me you can beat Orlando in the playoffs.

5. Orlando - should've kept Hedo. Vince sucks. Everyone knew this but Orlando apparently.

6. I think the Raiders should draft the slowest guy in the 40 just to balance things out. The fastest guys always seem to bust, so maybe the opposite way is the right way.

7. Suh is the best player in the draft. Enough of this nonsense about Gerald McCoy possibly being better. Any idiot (me) with eyes (I have those too) who watched college football can see that Suh is just better than anyone. It's not even close. This is just fake draft drama.

8. The Rams will stupidly draft neither of those guys and take Sam Bradford, who I never thought would be a great NFL QB.

9. Here's how I would scout a player (in either the NBA or the NFL). I would just watch 4th quarters. I would focus on 4th quarters in tight games. I would look at film of the guy on the sideline as well. If he comes up big late in big games, I want him. If he doesn't, but throws a good spiral or puts up impressive stats, I don't want him. It's really that simple. And yet, every year, NBA/NFL teams spend tons of money to fuck this up. Forget about the combine.

Marlins homerism

I claim minimal responsibility for this:

From the mouth of the biggest Marlins homer ever, ladies and gentlefolk, Mr. Jesse Bryan.


Greetings fish fan(s),



Beisbol is here!!!!!! Thank goodness as these other silly sports have become a real bore. Seriously, how can you gauge how good any team is without playing AT LEAST 150 games. To commence my inaugural post of the 2010, let me give you the reasons why the Florida Marlins get (and most likely win) to the World Series this year in no particular order.



They retained pretty much everyone on a very potent offense. Losing Nick Johnson will definitely hurt (and the Yankees got a steal on him), but maybin should fill in nicely in the #2 hole. They won 87 games last year with essentially the same team which was a young one. They are now a year older. Tough luck NL East.



Emilio Bonifacio is no longer leading off. We had to endure over 80 games of his bald head on our screens last year and inefficient hardly describes his contribution. I still don’t trust him as even a utility man (we’ll miss you amezega), but that’s better than being the starting lineup.



Cameron Maybin will have a breakout season and will be in the rookie of the year hunt. After a disappointing start in 2009, Maybin killed it in AA and had a nice return to the bigs at the end of the season. I expect him to tear it up this year in the #2 spot. Coghlan, Maybin, Hanely is a pretty nasty 1-2-3.



Jorge Cantu’s wrist is completely healed. He still hit .290 with 100 rbis last year with the pain lingering, but with his wrist healed, expect those HR numbers to return to the 25-30 range.



The best 1-2 punch the game: Josh Johnson (yay for signing him) and Ricky Nolasco (he will get a multi-year contract if he pitches how he should).



A fine group of pitchers competing for the 3-5 spots with West, Volstad, Miller, Sanchez, Vandenhurk, Penn. I have my money on Sanchez, Volstad and West filling out the rotation. From what I hear, Sanchez is as healthy as he’s been since his rookie season (dropped 15 pounds and worked hard on leg strength) after the all star break last year he had a 2.80 ERA or so. Volstad needs to return to 2009 form and ASAP. West was called up too early, but showed he already has the stuff to be dominant.



Dan Uggla: I’m pretty excited they fish kept Uggla. I watched about 70-80 games last year, and I must say Uggla really got the shaft on some hard hit balls. His walks were a career high last year and his K’s a career low. I think he has a monster year hitting behind

Cantu.



Brett Carroll is the best outfielder in the MLB.



A cornucopia of relievers competing for roster spots including Derrick Turnbow and Jose Veras.





Finally, my marlins visor. Fate shined brightly upon me the other day in a thrift store where I found a near meant Marlins visor that I will proudly where inside and outside. Go fish!

Because it's playoff season

Here it is in all its glory: